If you find out your significant other has cheated, should you keep them? Here you are, you’ve just gotten comfortable with someone. You’ve gotten them “trained”, so to speak. They know your habits. You know theirs. You’ve both gotten comfortable with the daily routine.
Now you found out it wasn’t all what you thought. At least, not on their end. They got a little bored with the routine. They had an opportunity to cheat. And they took it.
Maybe a one-night stand didn’t matter very much to them. Maybe you almost wouldn’t have found out about it. After you get over the initial hurt and mistrust, you can go on with your lives. The cheater is generally remorseful, because they got caught up in the moment. They doesn’t really want to switch up their daily routine any more than you do. They just want to bury it under the rug and go back to normal.
But it doesn’t work that way. Or does it?
If it’s been an on-going affair, it’s a little different. Obviously, in order to carry that out, there is no everyday home routine that the cheater could stick to. Maybe there was one, but it definitely changed things when they suddenly had to find reasons to disappear. That, in itself, causes problems because it upsets the old predictable and everyone has to readjust. After you’ve discovered the reason why you had to readjust, you’re not too happy about the whole thing.
So, what do you do? Do you show yourself as an understanding human being, or do you take it personal? There is always going to be pain and hurt in these situations. But, are you better as a team? Do you stand to lose more by breaking up?
Cheating never seems so bad to the cheater. Sometimes it might really not be anything. There could come a time when you just want to give someone a simple kiss. (Yes, it could happen!) But a more meaningful kiss, such as with the tongue…? Well, that somehow never seems like such a bad thing to the partner who did it. But it can be devastating to the partner who’s had their heart ripped out over it.
When such an act is found out, there will always be doubts as to whether you can be trusted. After all – you know good and well that if you went so far as to French kiss someone, it wouldn’t take much more to take things a little further.
And, yes, even then you may have not taken it as seriously. It may have just been a few hours of fun to you. You and the person you cheated with just lived for the moment and let your bodies do what came naturally. No big thing, right?
But once you’ve cheated on your partner and gotten away with it, you probably wouldn’t have a problem doing it again. And again. The first “cheat” is usually the hardest because you do know it’s wrong. Then, once you’ve done it, you probably think, “Eh, what the heck.”
If you really love your partner, why would you even risk losing them over something so trivial? Why would you want to hurt them? Isn’t your life great when you are on a level with someone when you can share everything with them and not let the thoughts of another person distract you?
And, yes, sending flirty text messages that you know would upset your partner is wrong. But you knew that.
With so many millions of people in the world, why is breaking up so hard to do? I am just as guilty as anyone else when it comes to this, so not pointing anyone out. You can usually tell by a person’s social media status when they are going through a similar phase in their life. Many of our ‘friends’ are not all that sympathetic, however. You have the ‘eye-rollers’ who will discuss your situation with other so-called ‘friends’ with such comments as, “Why is she putting all of that out there? Who cares?” The problem is, you really believe that these are your friends and that they do care about you. And there will be a few who really do. At any rate, we are hurting and we want comfort.
But, back to the question at hand: Why??? These thoughts were brought on by reading a friend’s status that stated they were hurting a year later, and all I could think was, “Why???” Obviously, he has moved on with his life – why can’t you get on with yours? He was just one fish in this huge sea.
It’s because we’ve shared things with this person that we wouldn’t share with others. They know things about us that no one else will ever know, and they didn’t even appreciate the fact that we’ve bared our souls to them in a way we have not done with any other person. We know intimate details about them and accepted them, and now a new person will have to discover these on their own. Once you’ve gotten that close to a person, it is hard to start the process all over again.
It all changes us for the next person we allow into our lives. We become different; we turn hard and cold. We don’t like ourselves that way, and we hate ourselves for it. It takes time to open up to someone new. Then, when we do, we don’t trust like we used to. It’s not the new person’s fault, but it’s just the way it is. Therefore, we are more likely to go back to the person who hurt us. We are likely to do this over and over again, because this person knows us so well. They know how we tick. They know how to take advantage of us, yet we keep coming back for more. Or we can’t just let it go.
I am sure that you were told by your parents or other adults when you were younger that you had to stay away from certain people because they were bad influences. Well, I’ve come to find out that that is true, actually. I just wish that I had known then what I know now. However, no amount of what my parents did to try to keep me away from certain friends or relationships didn’t work. In fact, it became more intriguing and made me want to do just the opposite.
For the most part, I hung around with a decent crowd. But then I met that one friend who liked to shoplift – and then taught me how to do it. And it was fun. Fortunately for me, I was too worried about the consequences of being caught to do it for very long, and made up my own mind to stay away from that person.
Then came the romantic relationships. I tried my best to take interests in the habits of my men-friends. It didn’t always work out. For instance: I gave up meat because my first husband was a vegetarian. That only caused me to become fat because I ate a shitload of pasta. There are lots of small things, too, like trying to like a certain type of music that they listen to; dealing with certain friends of theirs that you really don’t like; watching sports that don’t interest you. On the other hand, you do expand your horizons and learn new things. Sometimes you might even find you enjoy these new things.
My second husband, who I’m currently married to, is a biker. It is a whole new world that has opened up for me. We travel and go to lots of parties, which I can say is something that I have been able to take an interest in. Except for all the late nights – they seem to take their toll on me. After all, I’m no spring chicken anymore, you know.
I’d like to think that at some point I’ve influenced some people to be like me. I am aware that a lot of my interests are mine alone, and that not everyone shares in my choice of music. But I can be pretty fun to be around, if I do say so myself. My diversity and love of life would be something that I would like to bring to and leave behind in every relationship that I have.